The last several times I’ve flown out of our local airport, I’ve noticed a small, laminated list taped to the top of the podium where the people from Homeland Security stand checking passenger IDs right before the entrance to the metal detectors. It’s a list of about 8 countries and reads “Saudi Arabia, Afghanistan, Syria, Lebanon, Iraq, Iran, Libya, North Korea (People’s Republic of.)”
This struck me as funny, albeit in an ominous way, because, as “cheat sheets” go, this one is pretty idiotic. Do you really NEED a list to remind you that the above 8 countries are home to an above-average number of people harboring above-average levels of anti-U.S. sentiment? Also, it’s not even an inclusive list of “terrorist hotspots,” middle Eastern countries, Islamic countries, OR countries where Al-Qaeda has been blowing up shit. It’s more like a list titled “Countries Most Americans Have Heard Of Where They Hate Us.” Hey, if you can’t find Sri-Lanka or Yemen on a map, why even waste time worrying about them?
This time around I pointed at the list and asked the fat man in the orange plastic HSA vest what would happen if someone carrying a passport from one of those countries happened to show up at our tiny airport.
“Ohhh,” he said, grinning, “they get some real special processing.” And then he totally threw his head back, showing off the misaligned brown stubs of his remaining teeth, and started in with this loud laugh that sounded like BWAH HA HA HA HA! Just like a comic book super-villain. “Yeeeep,” he repeated, “They get to go through a special process alright, MWAH HA HA HAAA!”
Of course, instead of arguing with him, I just smiled and nodded because I was afraid that if I didn’t, I’d get to go through a special process of some kind too.
